can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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