Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
