I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your cock deserves a montage
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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