i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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