Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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