Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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