Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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