I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
