So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
