dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
