I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
