did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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