I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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