you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
