i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
