Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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