I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
