people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
