david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
