We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
