so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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