Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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