my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
