Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
