Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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