Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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