Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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