Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
