wanna go halves on a baby?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
