Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
