i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
