thus making me awesome and them whores
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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