Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
