I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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