My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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