I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
