i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
