just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
