It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
