I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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