Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
