The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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