Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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