He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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