You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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