rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
