I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm getting married
To pizza
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
