Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you never un-have a 4some
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
