Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
your room smells of hookers.
And success
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
