well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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