just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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