also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
