How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
