can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
