Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
