I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ttyl tear gas
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
