he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
