i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
