it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
