I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
