it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
