dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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