just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
