Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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