How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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