I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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