god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize