your room smells of hookers.
And success
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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