Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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