mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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